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Claude & Ingrid A

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Claude enters the scene
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Ingrid enters the scene
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Claude
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Ah, hello, Ingrid! A good day to you!
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Ingrid
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Well, hello there. If it isn't Claude. Always a pleasure.
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Claude
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You put in a fine performance in training today! I must redouble my own efforts!
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Ingrid
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That's kind of you to say.
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Claude
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By the by, do you have a moment to spare? I have been meaning to ask for your input on some new strategies.
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Ingrid
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Oh, goodness. Only if you think someone as lowly as myself might be of service.
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Claude
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But of course. I value your skills more highly than most any other!
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Ingrid
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Oh, goodness!
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Claude
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OK, time out! Listen, Ingrid... Do you really have to say "oh goodness" every couple of seconds?
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Ingrid
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What do you expect? Speaking to me as you were, I only responded in kind!
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Claude
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What? Do I sound that strange? I thought I was acting earnest and industrious.
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Ingrid
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I mean...yes! You do. You sound nothing short of ridiculous.
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Claude
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Sheesh! Have you looked in a mirror lately? You're the one who's been walking around like Queen Uptight.
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Ingrid
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Excuse me?! I'll admit it was a bit forced, but it certainly doesn't warrant such a title.
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Claude
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Look, this was fresh and fun for a while, but... Maybe it's time we called it quits.
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Claude
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Acting like this isn't us. We're just going to make everyone think we've gone mad.
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Ingrid
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I agree. I must say I have an easier time getting on with you when you're you in all your you-ness.
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Ingrid
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Come to think of it, you've always been more reliable than most anyone I know, when it really mattered.
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Claude
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Ha, well, thanks for saying that.
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Claude
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I think I liked you better when you were a bit pricklier too.
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Claude
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I've gone so long without hearing one of your lectures, I'm almost starting to miss them.
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Ingrid
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I'm sure I can remedy that for you.
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Claude
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Uh, I didn't mean you need to go all out or anything! A little restraint would still be nice.
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Ingrid
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My "lectures," as you call them, only persist as long as is necessary.
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Claude
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Ooh... I think I'm coming down with a stomachache. We'll talk later, OK? OK! Seeya!
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Claude leaves the scene
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Ingrid
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You honestly expect me to believe that? Come back here, Claude!